EMPATHY

Empathy is the cornerstone of rapport and influence. Without it we are left with a derelict group of practices that consist of either domination, or manipulation. These would yield only short-term results, and are no basis for winning and maintaining trust. Besides any moral considerations, they fail to produce long-term success. Empathy builds people together. It also ensures that when trying to influence, we use that which is appropriate. Inappropriate influence will actually have the reverse effect.

DIVERSE DEFINITIONS.

Empathy has been described as: “Understanding and entering into the feelings of another”. I prefer not to attribute that definition because I would argue that it is inadequate. Empathy is far more than feelings and it is highly practical besides. One could argue that it is as “hard” a skill as numeracy and as evidential as the ability to read. Because it has so many applications it is capable of a diversity of definitions. In the registered user's area there is a paper which outlines ‘The 12 Facets of Empathy’, it is not presented as an exhaustive examination of this skill however if observed they will greatly enhance rapport.

EMPATHY IS POSSIBLE FORT EVERYONE

Empathy cannot simply be regarded as “Useful if you have it”. It is the core skill for exercising influence and building rapport. Unfortunately, there are those who prefer to believe that any form of emotional intelligence is outside their realm. Usually this is just an excuse for being lazy!

Empathy is not a mysterious science. It is a skill that can be developed. By practicing the principles of this competency we can develop the inner responses that lead to the outer behaviours. This might mean a rather wooden, or mechanistic start, as you shed the taboos of a lifetime, which have prevented this competency from being allowed to develop. For some it means allowing your feelings to exercise a little more authority within your responses and relationships. Adjusting to a more people oriented perspective is a skill that will serve you greatly in building rapport.